How do I get my daughter to speak in school?

Ms. Dorothy,
My daughter _______ will not talk in her preschool class.  She can, and does talk at home, but her teacher has never heard her voice.  It's not just shyness, she is a "selective mute" at school and doesn't speak from the moment we arrive in the parking lot in the morning till we are out of sight of the building headed home.  Do you have any thoughts that could help us?
Mom of a 4 year old

Selective mutism is a form of social anxiety.  Your daughter isn't choosing not to speak at school, she is scared of speaking at school.  

There are resources available on-line that can help you understand the diagnosis, but the important thing is that you not get lost in the diagnosis and how you feel about what is happening with her.  

She needs a combination of support for taking risks in small successive steps, and understanding about how she is feeling. The teacher needs to work with you to encourage her without pressuring her, and to support her efforts without enabling her.  

It is a challenge, but it is something that should be addressed with understanding so that it does not become exaggerated over time. 

Try bringing home one of the children from school for a play date. If your daughter can speak to that child in your home where she feels safe, perhaps she can extend it to talking to that child in the classroom. Adding one friend at a time could help alleviate the stress.

How can I get this child to stop whining?

Ms. Dorothy,
_______ can speak in broken sentences, but often when he wants something he whines and does not use his words. His mom and dad and I don't all agree on how to handle the whining. He often winds up in a full tantrum to get what he wants. What steps can we take to strengthen his verbalization and curb the whining?
- Day Care Provider

The first step you will need to take, is to sit down with the parents and get some agreement about what you are going to do to help him grow. Consistency is essential if you are trying to encourage one behavior and discourage another.

This child needs to know that his needs will be met. If he believes that the world is a safe and consistent place, he is more likely to relax and trust that a problem isn't forever, and that there is something he can do to get his problems solved.

The adults in his life also need to understand that he will speak to communicate one day, but not necessarily on their time-tables. And that is okay.

Talk to him more. Talk about what you are doing as you go about your day. Remain calm and clear in your conversations with him so that he sees a good example.

If the adults relax and work together, the reduction in stress alone may translate into more talking and less whining.

How can I teach my child to read in two languages?

Ms. Dorothy -
The greatest challenge I have revolves around raising and educating kids in a bilingual (French/English) setting. The biggest questions are: How do I go about teaching them how to read? One language at a time? If so, when can I introduce the second language? If I can teach my children to read in both languages at the same time, how do I go about it? What do I need to watch out for? How do I do it??
- Homeschool Teacher

Children usually learn one language as the household's primary language, and another as a secondary language. Some families, on the other hand, raise their children completely bilingually with no distinction between a primary and secondary language.

Learning to read should follow suit with the way your children are learning to speak.

If your children have one primary language, and they are learning a second, they should learn to read the primary language first. If they are truly bilingual, you can pick a preference for one to teach first, or follow suit with the local school districts' primary language as the one to teach first.

Once your children have control of a reading vocabulary of some simple common words in a first language, and can recognize the groups of letters that comprise various sounds in words, they will be able to read along with you in beginner books in that language.

Even if they can't read words accurately on their own yet, they will have enough of an understanding of how print works and how stories work to begin decoding and making meaning from text. At that point, introducing the second language in writing will be less confusing because they will have something to compare it with.

Certainly, do not refrain from reading to them in both languages, always! They should see and know that there are books in your home, and books available to them in either language.
The decision about exactly when to introduce reading in the second language, or how much overlap there can be, may be answered by your child's interest in books he knows are in French or English. Don't be afraid to follow your children's lead!

If you are comfortably literate in both languages, there is no reason to believe they will not learn to read and write as easily as they learned to speak both languages.