How do I help my 2 year old adjust to school?

Ms. Dorothy,
I am a working lady. My daughter is 2years and 4 months old, she is able to speak fluently in her mother tongue, and understands English as well. In my absence she is taken care by my Mother in law.
She got admitted to pre-kindergarten or nursery on 13th June. She goes to school in school van, her school timings are 8.30 am to 11.30 am, 5days a week. It’s been more than 2 weeks, but still cries a lot and reluctant to go school everyday. She wakes up in the morning and starts telling/crying “don’t want to go school” till she sits in school van.
I try to make her understand that school is a lovely place by telling many stories every night before getting sleep, but the next day morning it’s the same.
Even on off days i.e. Saturdays and Sundays, even after we tell her that. Saturdays and Sundays are holidays, making her ready as part of daily routine or plan to take out somewhere, she thinks that we might send her school, she is fearful and whole day very often she tells I don’t want to go school.
I spoke to her teacher; she says she is okay at school. She blames me that I am over anxious and over protective, that’s why my child is behaving so. But I don’t really admit.
Each day is getting a challenge for me. Please help me out to make my child comfortable to school.
-Concerned Mother

There are many reasons why children express fear about going to school.

The biggest worry is always that there is something happening at school which frightens her. An insensitive or neglectful teacher, a bully, even someone trying to do her harm. I can tell you that while this is every mother's greatest fear, it is very rarely the cause of a child's distress.

Chances are that the teacher is not blaming you as much as she is trying to reassure you of this fact.

Your daughter is probably safe and just fine in school as the teacher told you, but her fear and distress are also very real and should not be ignored.

By the age of 2, children are usually trying to figure out how to get what they want. Sometimes children your daughter's age become demanding, or throw tantrums, or tell people "no!" as they try to discover how to get their needs met. Your daughter may be expressing fear and trying to gain control of an uncomfortable situation.

While your daughter understands English, she may not be comfortable to express herself to people who do not speak her mother tongue. This could mean that the three hours she is in school feel very isolating to her. If she is not hearing the language that is most comfortable to her ears, those three hours can seem very long and distant.

She has also had the undivided attention of an adult up until now, and suddenly to have to share the only adult with other children in a class can be very hard for some children.

She may be experimenting with making you feel guilty, and trying to see if she can have her will. Or playing out behaviors she thinks are expected. Believe it or not, sometimes children think that they are expressing how much they love you when they cry about going to school, and that you might be disappointed if you thought they didn't miss you.

Sometimes children become distressed because they don't like letting a younger sibling have a parent's attention while they are not around.

There are some things you can do to help her with her worry about going to school.
What you are already doing - telling her stories to comfort her - is excellent, and you will need to be consistent and keep telling her about what a lovely place school is, and not let her see your concern.

Instead of talking about Saturdays and Sundays as holidays from school, try and talk about what sad days they are because she does not GET to go to school. If you are reassuring her in a way that makes her think school is something she has to tolerate, she may continue to resist it.
Stay positive and happy and excited when you talk about school.

When you see her at the end of the day, be excited to hear about the wonderful things she did.

Focus on how happy you are to hear about school and not on her distress.

You can also help her to choose something of yours (a necklace or bracelet that she can wear perhaps, or a photo of her loved ones) to bring with her to school. Something to hold onto when she misses you.

There is a book called "the Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn that can be helpful if your daughter is having trouble separating.

Find another family in the school to befriend and schedule play dates with.

Ask the teacher if you can donate a favorite toy of your child's to the classroom for her to look forward to playing with. 

Give her crayons and let her express her worries on paper.

One final thought - while it seems like it's been forever, two weeks is not impossibly long, and she may yet make this adjustment on her own, don't give up!

I wish you both the best of luck.

How can I best teach Spanish to preschoolers?

Ms. Dorothy,
I am teaching a pre-school Spanish class this coming summer.  I've taught Spanish for years, but mostly 3rd, 4th and 5th grade. What do I need to think about differently for 3, 4 and 5 year olds?  Any great resources you could recommend for this age group would be great too!
- Spanish Teacher

The most important thing to know about pre-schoolers is that they need to move! 

You won't need to worry about paper and pencils, but books, songs, dances and games are your friends with this age group.

My recommendation would be to keep change activities often, and practice some simple things like numbers, body parts, and greetings.

Look for CDs by Jose-Luis Orozco they are full of culturally authentic songs that are fun to sing and move to. He has a book of finger plays with some great Latin American active songs too.

There are wonderful picture books by Arthur Dorros that introduce Spanish phrases into an English story. 

You can also use Spanish translations of English pattern books that they are already familiar with too.  Eric Carle books in Spanish are fun, though not a tool for cultural literacy.


I've not had a chance to try this program out, but it looks like a great tool to use as well!

Enjoy the little guys, they will love you!

How do I get my daughter to speak in school?

Ms. Dorothy,
My daughter _______ will not talk in her preschool class.  She can, and does talk at home, but her teacher has never heard her voice.  It's not just shyness, she is a "selective mute" at school and doesn't speak from the moment we arrive in the parking lot in the morning till we are out of sight of the building headed home.  Do you have any thoughts that could help us?
Mom of a 4 year old

Selective mutism is a form of social anxiety.  Your daughter isn't choosing not to speak at school, she is scared of speaking at school.  

There are resources available on-line that can help you understand the diagnosis, but the important thing is that you not get lost in the diagnosis and how you feel about what is happening with her.  

She needs a combination of support for taking risks in small successive steps, and understanding about how she is feeling. The teacher needs to work with you to encourage her without pressuring her, and to support her efforts without enabling her.  

It is a challenge, but it is something that should be addressed with understanding so that it does not become exaggerated over time. 

Try bringing home one of the children from school for a play date. If your daughter can speak to that child in your home where she feels safe, perhaps she can extend it to talking to that child in the classroom. Adding one friend at a time could help alleviate the stress.

How do I find books at the right level for my kids?

Ms. Dorothy,
What are some good books for 3-6 year old children? And what are some resources for finding good book lists for children at different ages?
-Parents of 2 Preschoolers

There are the classic children's book authors, like Eric Carle, Patricia Polacco, Tomie DePaola  and Jan Brett that you may already be familiar with.

There are also some great authors currently writing books for preschoolers with wonderful characters the kids will fall in love with. Each of them also has books that extend up a few years so your children can grow with their favorites.

Look for books by Todd Parr, Mo Willems, Doreen Cronin and Anna Dewdney.
But don't overlook the phonetic and sight word series available in the Scholastic book orders your children bring home from preschool, or the online programs available at sites like Starfall.

When it comes to finding lists of recommended reading by grade level, there is no better resource than your local library! Check out some great reads!

How do I support beginning reading?

Ms. Dorothy,
My daughter is beginning to read phonetically. Her pre-school has her practicing blending letter sounds to "sound out words" but she doesn't know any sight words yet. Should I be using flash cards at home to help her learn some sight words? Is there a better way to teach her to read without being completely dependent on sounding it out? Or should I just leave it alone for now and let her learn in Kindergarten?
- Mom of a 4 year old.

If your daughter is beginning to read and enjoying it, there is no reason not to support her.

Find out from her preschool teacher what next steps they are planning to follow to help her grow as a reader, and (unless you completely disagree with their approach) align what you are doing at home to what she is learning in school.

More than likely she will begin to encounter simple sight words in the books she is already "sounding out" which will be a natural opening. Then you can practice finding those same sight words in other places - magazines you are reading, recipes while you are cooking together, bedtime stories you are reading to her.

Sometimes, when you are reading beginner books with her, you will need to supply the words she doesn't know, but encouraging her to check the pictures, or what seems to make sense to decide what the next word might be are great ways to build vocabulary. Then her reading will be more than sounding out words and sight words because she will begin to recognize words in context.

As long as you are giving her an enjoyable experience that involves time with you and books, she will learn to love reading. Then all those different approaches to figuring out what a book says will become more natural to her.

How do I get my class to be QUIET?!

Ms Dorothy,
My class is so noisy! They are generally on task, but they get so loud. I know I'm not supposed to raise my voice at them, but I end up yelling all the time just to get their attention. They are excited, it's not that I'm not doing good stuff, they are enthusiastic, but very loud about it! What do I do to get them to stay excited and working, but to do it quietly?!
- Pre-school teacher

Have you tried whispering? Sometimes the best way to get those little guys to pay attention is to bring your volume way down. If you get secretive and conspiratorial, they just might quiet down and lean in to hear what's up.

I've also had some luck playing "don't wake the baby" with preschool and kindergarten classes. Just get them to agree to pretend that there is a baby sleeping in the classroom. Then, rather than a lot of yelling or shushing, you can start a whisper campaign by telling one child "don't wake the baby - pass it on." They love to play, and it gets them quiet!

How can I prepare my child for starting school?

Ms. Dorothy,

My daughter will not be able to enter kindergarten this year because of cut-off dates, and I can’t afford a preschool program to keep her learning until she can start school next year. What suggestions do you have for teaching her at home? She can count to at least 20, and knows all the letters and sounds, she is really ready to read & I just need to know what to do to keep her moving forward. Can you help?

- Mom of a 4 year old

She is so well prepared already for kindergarten! I commend you for wanting to continue working with her. There is no harm in having her ahead before she starts school.

One of the best things you could do for her would be to take her out and give her some cultural experiences. Going to an Art or Science museum would be so enriching, and many provide free days or sponsor cultural events in the community.

One of the best ways to get her to move into reading is by getting her started writing. Have her draw pictures and tell you the story . You can “publish” the stories as little books, and practice reading them with her.

Most of all, have fun! The concepts she learns through playing will be the foundations of all her later learning .

How can I help my child strengthen her hands for writing?

Ms. Dorothy -

My daughter is in pre-school and she can't hold a crayon very well. I'm concerned about her being ready for Kindergarten in the Fall. What can I do at home to get her ready for writing?

- Mom of a 4 year old 

Kindergarten teachers everywhere wish more parents like you were working with their future students! 

One thing I always recommend is using tiny little pieces of chalk or crayon because it forces the use of the muscles in the fingers & helps them develop. Tweezers, tiny beads, even eye droppers will require using the same muscles, but without making it a chore for a little one.

Try giving her the challenge of picking beads out of a bowl of uncooked rice using tweezers, or of squeezing drops of colored water onto a coffee filter with an eye dropper.

My students love picking corn kernels off dried cobs with tweezers. They also like using a push pin to poke holes in construction paper. Trace puzzle shapes on construction paper and, instead of cutting with scissors, try to perforate the paper with enough pin holes to remove the shape.

The side benefit is that these tasks take tremendous concentration and help to develop focus as well as the small muscles needed for writing.

Most of all, don't worry too much about the actual writing. Time is the most important factor for developing the muscles in the hand, and she'll be ready before you know it!