How can I get this child to stop whining?

Ms. Dorothy,
_______ can speak in broken sentences, but often when he wants something he whines and does not use his words. His mom and dad and I don't all agree on how to handle the whining. He often winds up in a full tantrum to get what he wants. What steps can we take to strengthen his verbalization and curb the whining?
- Day Care Provider

The first step you will need to take, is to sit down with the parents and get some agreement about what you are going to do to help him grow. Consistency is essential if you are trying to encourage one behavior and discourage another.

This child needs to know that his needs will be met. If he believes that the world is a safe and consistent place, he is more likely to relax and trust that a problem isn't forever, and that there is something he can do to get his problems solved.

The adults in his life also need to understand that he will speak to communicate one day, but not necessarily on their time-tables. And that is okay.

Talk to him more. Talk about what you are doing as you go about your day. Remain calm and clear in your conversations with him so that he sees a good example.

If the adults relax and work together, the reduction in stress alone may translate into more talking and less whining.

How do I stop a teacher from yelling?

Ms. Dorothy -
I run an afterschool program and have an assistant who will be doing her student teaching in January. She has several years of experience in working with kids, but not with me.
The problem is that she yells at kids and 'gets in their face'. When I talk to her about it, she seems to understand, but continues to do it when the kids are not listening and when she thinks I'm not around. I have shared my philosophy about mutual respect supported by firm boundaries, but she doesn't seem to be listening.
Any great Ms. Dorothy insight?
- After School Teacher

One of the hardest things to learn, without living to a ripe old age, is how fragile life is.

There are two great sayings that get passed around. I don't agree with either, and I've modified both.

First is the Golden Rule. "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." This one presupposes that how I feel, and what I want, is right for everyone. It neglects the cultural and personal preferences of "other" and it allows us to keep "self" at the center of all interactions

So, my Platinum Rule is "Do unto others as they would have done unto them." Check in first. Ask if a hug is welcome before hugging.

Ask the students to help devise a way to get their attention and remind them to tune in when they are not listening.

The second is "Live every day as if it is your last." This one invites you to give freely without concern about holding back something for later. And yet, it is still centered on the self.

Being a teacher isn't about the self. It's about the other.

So, I prefer "Live every day as if you will live forever, and no one else will." Be more kind than you think is called for. Give away more than you think you can. Be gentle and remember, there are no guarantees that this won't be the LAST thing they hear.

If we stop and take the perspective of the child to heart, we will "first do no harm." (That's one I wouldn't modify.)

Help her to see her interactions with the children differently & perhaps her approach will change.