How do I get a frightened child to ride the bus?

Ms. Dorothy,
My 2nd grader is TERRIFIED of riding the bus. How can I make her comfortable with it? She is nervous about walking from her class to the bus, and she's worried that since she's so tired after school, she might fall asleep on the bus and miss her stop. Driving to and from school every day is making me crazy!  What are your thoughts?
- A Mom

It seems to me, that any time an 8 year old expresses such extreme fear, there is probably something more to look at. 

Taking her feelings seriously is a great way to ensure that she will continue to trust you with her honest emotions and fears as she grows into her teens. 

Walking from the class to the bus can be very chaotic (and seldom looks like walking!)
 
If your daughter is concerned about sleeping on the bus, she may be exhausted by the stress of her day, or of the bus ride itself.  It may be worth digging a little deeper to see if there is more going on than you are aware of.

Some children are nervous about missing the bus if they don't race, and others worry about the age range that ride the bus together.  

When we train children (by sending them to a school system that segregates by age) to believe that they can only think, work and make friends with children who were born in the same year, we inadvertently instill a misunderstanding of, and the potential for fear of, those who are older and younger.  

You could try to find an older neighbor that rides the bus and "hire" him or her to collect your daughter and walk with her to the bus, ride with her to their stop, and make sure she gets off.  If you  make it a "babysitting" job for a slightly older (but not yet old enough to officially babysit) child, you might even be able to "pay" in after-school snacks.

Another thing you might consider is continuing to drive until she feels she is ready for the bus.  As crazy as it makes you now, there will come a day that you miss those rides to and from school with her!

How do I strengthen my child's hand for writing?

Ms. Dorothy,
My son is having a hard time with writing because it is hard for him to hold a pen or pencil for very long.  He writes faintly because he doesn't press hard enough, and the teacher says his fine motor skills are seriously lagging. Are there things he can do to improve his strength so he can write at grade level?
-Mom of a 2nd grader

Struggling with fine motor development is not uncommon for young boys, but there are some things you can do to help him strengthen his hands.

First take a look at some of the specific activities I suggested in an earlier post about fine motor development.  Some of these may seem a little young to him, but the concept is the same.

You might want to consider getting some occupational therapy tools for him to work with that won't seem as "babyish".  Tools like Eggsercizers, Theraputty, Power-Webs, or DigiFlex hand exercisers might suit him better.  

If his writing is becoming a problem in school, or if he isn't making progress fast enough with these tools, talk to his teacher about having him complete assignments on a keyboard.

How do I get Show and Tell back in my day?

Ms. Dorothy,
My school frowns on having "show and tell" time with children in 1st and 2nd grade, but the kids really like it. Do you have any suggestions for incorporating show and tell in an academic way in my class?
- 2nd grade teacher

You are right about how much children love to share their treasures! I think finding a way to let them personalize their learning can really support engagement in school.

Coming up with ideas for writing is always a challenge at some point in the school year. Having children bring in treasures for inspiration can really help get past this hurdle.

Try having your students bring in a collection of items that have some meaning to them. Little trinkets, photos, even pictures from magazines can be story starter ideas. Then children can share the important personal stuff in their writing.

Show and Tell can be fun and educational at the same time!

How do I meet the needs of 5, 6 and 7 year olds?

Ms. Dorothy -

I am running a music enrichment program with Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grade students. I'm experienced in doing this with older students, like middle or high school, and these high energy young ones are uncharted territory for me! Couple of questions for you.. How do I teach and engage to that level? Or what are some key principles to keep in mind for this age? How best do I look at this class and how to hold the space appropriately to allow their knowledge and beats to flourish? How do I keep it fun and engaging for all the ages? Help?!

- Music teacher

High School to Kindergarten is a big leap. No wonder you are feeling unsure of yourself! Those little guys need as many opportunities for expression as they can get, so I know this is going to be a great experience for all of you.

First of all, relax, and don't sell yourself short. You know what you are doing when it comes to the material, and students are students, no matter how tall they are.

Essentially you can't teach a room, or an age, or a grade; all you can teach is the person in front of you. Get to know these students for who they are. They will show you what is important to them within the first few minutes.

I like to think of it as putting the students first and letting the content be a tool. Instead of teaching Music to young children, try teaching young children the whys and hows of Music. There is a difference. It works for any content you want to teach, and any students.

Be prepared to move with them, to be excited with them, to get loud with them, and to enjoy them. They will need some order and routine to help them understand the structure of their time with you, and they will need variety and novelty to stay engaged.

The best thing you can bring them is a challenge, so don't be afraid of using the same language and content you would teach older students. Just break it down with them to things that are familiar and let them share how they connect to it.

Basic principles to keep in mind when working with children: Smile often. Sing instructions. Establish routines. Be genuine. Follow their lead. Respect their individuality. Enjoy their creativity. Inspire them with possibilities. Encourage them with laughter. Believe in them.

And Have fun!

How do I deal with my daughter's 2nd grade drama?

Ms. Dorothy-

_____ is in the middle of a "bff" triangle and today one of the little girls made a fist and told her, "Shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you!" I am HORRIFIED. And I can't help but wonder where on earth a 7-year old little girl heard that in the first place.

I emailed the teacher and she said she'd take care of it right away. Seriously though, where does a kid learn that stuff?! And what do I say to my daughter about all this?! 
- Mom of a 2nd grader 

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about this, and I'm really glad you let the teacher know. You would be amazed at how much escalation can be avoided by having the teacher step in right away!

None of us wants to believe that we have exposed our young children to harsh language or expressions, but even cartoons are filled with horrifying ways of dealing with problems. It is not at all uncommon for children to resort to trying out techniques they've heard or seen when confronted with a challenging and novel social situation.

It is evident that your daughter's friend was frustrated, and that she wanted to resolve the problem with words, but knew that physical solutions were an option. I'm sure that you, and your husband, felt exactly the same way when you heard about this! We all know there is a hierarchy of conflict resolution techniques, and it often takes facing a challenge to discover our true character.

How awful the parents of that other girl must feel to realize that when confronted with such a test, their daughter evidenced the basest of reactions. How fortunate your daughter is that her parents chose to seek additional information and help from the teacher rather than just acting rashly when they were faced with a test of their own problem solving skills.

When toddlers bite, it is seldom because they come from bad homes, are underfed, or have been taught that this is a good way to get what they want. It is usually because they are trying to express something they don't have the tools to express and their frustration is all in their mouths, so they demonstrate their frustration with their mouths.

When young children struggle with defining their friendships, there is often a lot of drama, and sometimes horrifying things are said, or done. What a great opportunity this is for your daughter to learn about the ways the adults in her life see her, value her, and handle real problems.

Remember that if you want your children to be resilient, you must both give them the tools to handle the unexpected, and trust them to use the tools independently. What you model is important, and so is your belief in their abilities.

Talk to her about her feelings rather than yours. Invite her to identify what it felt like to be spoken to that way, and if she thinks she has ever been as frustrated as the other girl was. Ask her if she can think of other ways that girl could have handled her anger. Wonder with her what could take someone to such a hard place and help her to feel something other than hurt and anger toward that other child.

Encourage her for finding a positive way to get support with an overwhelming situation. Recognize that she was not just seeking your help, but your reactions to help her define how she should feel. The less you let this overwhelm you, the more she learns about her ability to handle a problem, and the more strategies she will have when it comes up again.

And, make no mistake, it will come up again. You are an adult, and you just faced a huge challenge! This is a part of life, and knowing that we have tools, and believing that we know how to use them is the key to facing challenges well.