When should my children play on computers?

Ms. Dorothy,
There is a lot of talk now about new technology and 21st century skills, but I'm uncomfortable having my young children on the computer.  Not that I'm afraid of computers, I just feel that there are better things they could be doing with their time.  I have friends that rave about their toddler's skills with a mouse, but I'd rather my kids were not into technology yet.  What do you think?
- Dad of a 3 and a 4 year old

Technology holds tremendous promise for education. It brings the whole world into the learning equation, and as it becomes more mobile and versatile, the potential seems endless.  

Preschool children, however, don't need any of it. 

The developing brain takes in information about the world through the senses, and builds connections with these experiences.  Active involvement and interaction between the child and the world is essential to learning. 

Any amount of "screen time" in the early years is actually time lost from doing those things the child is watching.  This goes for tv, computer and any other games or devices that do not allow the child to physically interact with what they are looking at.

The Wii, Kinect, and other interactive gaming programs allow children to virtually interact with things. However, seeing an avatar pet an animal while you make motions like you are petting it, is just not the same brain building experience as actually petting an animal, feeling it's warmth and fur, smelling it's breath, and having it react to your touch.  

Children, especially young children, need to have real experiences before the virtual and visual equivalents will have meaning for them.  

Let your children play, and create. Take them to parks and zoos and playgrounds, and give them experiences that build the network in their brains.  Then later they can use that brain to network in other ways.

How do I motivate a "lazy" learner?

Ms. Dorothy,
My son is one of the most persistent people I've ever met - when he is doing something he wants to do.  Any time we try to teach him something that might be a little hard, he shuts down, gives up, walks away. I want my son to love learning, but it seems like every day is a struggle. Do you have any suggestions on how to motivate active, independent, hands-on, give-up-if-its-too-hard-at-first boys?
-Homeschool Mom

Persistence is the trait you want to build on.  You know that he can stick with something against all odds.  He needs to know that it is persistence that you value, and that he knows how to use.

Talking with him about how the brain learns; how, like a muscle, it becomes stronger with work, will help him to link his "smarts" with his persistence. 

The book Nurture Shock explains current research and is a great resource on the topic of praising brain processes to help children develop.

Setting specific learning outcomes will help too.  When he persisted in learning to walk, it was a long-term goal, somewhat out of his reach - a challenge.  If the small bite daily reading activities don't motivate him, it may be that he doesn't see the big target. 

Try enticing him with a motivating end goal.  Read, for example, the first book of the "Magic Treehouse" series to him, (about a mid-year-2nd grade-level book) and explain that when his brain is strong enough, he will be able to read the rest of the series himself. Then see if those daily activities will be more like small hurdles to get to a bigger prize, a prize that gets closer every time he works hard.

It is understandable that you want to make learning fun for him.  Maybe if he sees the fun in working toward a long-term goal he will learn to love learning - even things he isn't excited about.

How do I choose the best education for my kids?

Ms. Dorothy,
My husband struggled in school because he learns best by actually doing things. Just listening or watching doesn't help him, so he hated and eventually quit school. We are concerned that if our kids are like him, that they might have a hard time with school. Should we home school so that we make sure they DO things instead of just having to read about them?
- A Mom

Your husband is not alone. Some people are able to learn and remember despite the handicap of having material presented only by lecture and text.

Those who are most successful at this kind of learning often end up going into education and perpetuating that model.

The truth is that the human brain remembers most what it is actively involved in. Recent research has proven as much, but we all know that the things we remember most vividly are those things we got to DO in school.

The decision to use a particular model of schooling is one that a family makes best when they have carefully examined all the options available to them.

Linking that decision to how your children learn best is a great place to start, but don't assume that, because your husband struggled, your children will.

The poor teaching model that he suffered from is not the only form of education out there.

How do I get a tired kid to do homework?

Ms. Dorothy -

_____ is soooo tired after school that she has a super hard time with her homework. She cries and cries and just lays her head down on the table saying she is just tooo tired and can’t do it. School uses every ounce of energy that poor child has and by the time I pick her up, all she wants to do is eat dinner and go to bed. We end up spending an hour on a simple worksheet just because she is too exhausted to concentrate. How do I help her?

- Mom of a 1st grader

It must be so hard for you to see your child so distressed, and want to comfort her and give her rest, while still encouraging her to value education and get homework done!

There must be a great amount of stress in her day to exhaust her that way. Especially if it is happening every day.

I think that it is more important to address the stress than it is to complete the homework, and that if she needs a nap after school, she should get one, and this is why:

When you are in a stressful situation, your body releases chemicals that flood the brain, and too much of these chemicals can damage, and even kill off brain cells. The area of the brain most impacted by this imbalance is the same area that is responsible for memory. This means that your daughter may be impairing her ability to learn in school by being stressed on a regular basis. Crying it out and sleeping at the end of the day may be the best way for her to release that stress and help her brain and body get back to a more balanced state.

There are so many aspects of a school day that can cause stress. Your daughter may need help to understand how to address each different situation and let it go rather than letting them accumulate all day.

There may also be something specific that is too much of a challenge for her, and that is what is causing this extreme stress reaction.

So, the homework that matters now is really yours. Find out what the unduly difficult parts of her day are, and help her cope with them so that she can function with less stress.

When she comes home and wants to play instead of cry and sleep, you'll know she is ready for homework!