How do I help my middle child feel loved?

Ms. Dorothy,
How do I show my son (3) that despite the fact he now has an older and younger sister (I just had a baby 8 wks ago, he was the baby before this, older child is almost 5), I still love him the same, and the reason I spend less one on one time with him is not because I love him less? I have not changed much of his life other then the obvious things. Any further advice?
- Busy Mom

Sounds like it is time to make a point of planning "dates" with each of your family.  

You already have some scheduled family time every night, but picking out one night a month for each of  you to get some one-on-one time could really help.

You know that an occasional Mom/Dad date night is essential for your marriage to stay healthy. What about taking one family hour a month for Mom/oldest to do something just for them? Once a month it is Mom/middle, and once it's mom/baby. Once a month Dad/oldest get a date time, Dad/middle, and Dad/baby.

Mapping out the calendar so that everyone knows when their time is coming gives everyone plenty of warning and time to choose how to spend the date. Picking and re-picking what to do with that time adds excitement, and the planning itself seems like personal time because the focus is on what you'll do together alone.  

You don't even have to go anywhere. Just close a door and put up a "private" sign up and give your full attention and focus to the one you are with.

Eventually, you may want to add "girls night" and "guys night" to the mix.

All of this will make the "family time" even richer because you will have experiences away from each other to share.

How do I know how much homework to give?

Ms. Dorothy,
As a parent, I've often felt that a teacher gave too much, or not enough homework for my child.  Tomorrow I step into the lead teacher position in a classroom, and I find myself wondering how to strike that balance for the 27 children in my 1st grade class.  Any suggestions?
-New Teacher

Congratulations on taking the lead teacher position!  How exciting for you and for those 1st graders!  

Finding the right balance of homework is always a challenge because our tendency, as teachers, is to be "fair" and give everyone the same homework assignments.  

Homework should be about practicing what is learned in school.  It is rare when a majority of the  class is ready to independently practice the same thing at the same time, so having the same homework assignment for all of them doesn't always make sense.  

Consider the time that will be spent on each task, and the amount of support that each child will need to complete the work.  Whenever possible, make options to extend or simplify the assignment so that it can be catered to specific needs of different children.

Keep in mind the 10 minute rule of thumb for elementary students and think about giving homework that is open-ended and involves some choice.  That way students who are inspired by the topic can get carried away, and students that are able to turn it into something they are excited about can do that too.

Encourage creativity and applaud inventiveness in the way homework is completed, and your students will make projects of their practice.

How do I choose the best education for my kids?

Ms. Dorothy,
My husband struggled in school because he learns best by actually doing things. Just listening or watching doesn't help him, so he hated and eventually quit school. We are concerned that if our kids are like him, that they might have a hard time with school. Should we home school so that we make sure they DO things instead of just having to read about them?
- A Mom

Your husband is not alone. Some people are able to learn and remember despite the handicap of having material presented only by lecture and text.

Those who are most successful at this kind of learning often end up going into education and perpetuating that model.

The truth is that the human brain remembers most what it is actively involved in. Recent research has proven as much, but we all know that the things we remember most vividly are those things we got to DO in school.

The decision to use a particular model of schooling is one that a family makes best when they have carefully examined all the options available to them.

Linking that decision to how your children learn best is a great place to start, but don't assume that, because your husband struggled, your children will.

The poor teaching model that he suffered from is not the only form of education out there.

How do I decide where to send my kids to school?

Ms. Dorothy,
I'm wondering what your opinion is on some of the educational alternatives I'm considering for my kids. They are still in preschool now, and I don't want to pay for private schools, but I'm not convinced that regular public schools are the right answer any more. I've been looking at a Montessori charter school, an Expeditionary Learning magnet school, and a Core Knowledge charter school in my area. I know you are familiar with all of them, and I want to know your thoughts about the pros and cons of each.
- Dad weighing Schools of Choice.

Well, I am an AMS certified Montessorian, and an Expeditionary Learning Outward Bound instructor. I have taught in a charter school, a magnet school, a private school, a "regular" public school, and a pilot school. I've even done the home school route. I have never taught in a Core Knowledge school, though some of my friends do. I've tried a lot of these models, both as a teacher and as a parent, and I have my biases.

The most important thing for you to consider is your children.

Knowing who your students are as learners and as individuals is essential in making this decision. Being prepared to try something else as your children grow and change is also important; as is considering the possibility that what works for one might not work for the other.

Yes, there is a lot of data out there about how children in each of these settings fare on tests of knowledge or skill. There are also some long term studies done on how these different models prepare children for the rest of their academic careers.

None of that matters if your son or daughter doesn't "fit" the model you are considering, or if the philosophy of education is not aligned with what you believe about teaching and learning.

Go do some research, and know all you can about what you are weighing. Go and visit these schools of choice. Talk to the teachers if you can. Ask hard questions about your specific children's needs and issues as learners. Find someone who feels the way you do about educating your children.

Then trust your gut, and leap with conviction, and do whatever you can to support your children in the model you've chosen.

Because when it comes to education, nothing done half-heartedly works. Ever.