How can I help a child make a fresh start?

Ms. Dorothy, 
Here is a kid in fifth grade. He has always seemed to get in some trouble. Mostly impulse control, social ineptness, but big enough for other teachers to remember. Now he has the self image of a kiddo who is problematic + he's really disorganized. How do I get him ready to start middle school so he can have a fresh start?
- An Aunt

What a great positive approach.  In life, we are given a few opportunities to start fresh and re-invent ourselves, and transitioning between schools is certainly one!

Knowing that impulse control and disorganization are a part of many people's lives, but are not who they are, is a key to moving past the worry. 

Have him look over a list of symptoms for ADD or ADHD and see what things he has in common and what things he doesn't.  The sense of control that is possible when you know you are "normal" and can choose what you manifest is very powerful.

At the same time, there are many diet changes, organization systems, and focus techniques that are used to support children who struggle with these symptoms, and he may find those helpful too.

You may find the book Right Brained Children in a Left Brained World has some interesting ideas for supporting him.

Whatever you decide to try, a great move for him would be to approach his middle school teachers and explain that he is aware of his issues and that he is making efforts to grow and improve himself. Asking for the teacher's support and understanding will demonstrate maturity and self-efficacy and may win him the favor of those he has to work with for the next few  years.

Remember too, that sharing your own experiences with becoming organized, or thinking before acting, will help him to see that he is not alone and that many successful adults fought these same battles in school.

How do I decide where to send my kids to school?

Ms. Dorothy,
I'm wondering what your opinion is on some of the educational alternatives I'm considering for my kids. They are still in preschool now, and I don't want to pay for private schools, but I'm not convinced that regular public schools are the right answer any more. I've been looking at a Montessori charter school, an Expeditionary Learning magnet school, and a Core Knowledge charter school in my area. I know you are familiar with all of them, and I want to know your thoughts about the pros and cons of each.
- Dad weighing Schools of Choice.

Well, I am an AMS certified Montessorian, and an Expeditionary Learning Outward Bound instructor. I have taught in a charter school, a magnet school, a private school, a "regular" public school, and a pilot school. I've even done the home school route. I have never taught in a Core Knowledge school, though some of my friends do. I've tried a lot of these models, both as a teacher and as a parent, and I have my biases.

The most important thing for you to consider is your children.

Knowing who your students are as learners and as individuals is essential in making this decision. Being prepared to try something else as your children grow and change is also important; as is considering the possibility that what works for one might not work for the other.

Yes, there is a lot of data out there about how children in each of these settings fare on tests of knowledge or skill. There are also some long term studies done on how these different models prepare children for the rest of their academic careers.

None of that matters if your son or daughter doesn't "fit" the model you are considering, or if the philosophy of education is not aligned with what you believe about teaching and learning.

Go do some research, and know all you can about what you are weighing. Go and visit these schools of choice. Talk to the teachers if you can. Ask hard questions about your specific children's needs and issues as learners. Find someone who feels the way you do about educating your children.

Then trust your gut, and leap with conviction, and do whatever you can to support your children in the model you've chosen.

Because when it comes to education, nothing done half-heartedly works. Ever.

How do I explain Middle School homework?

Ms. Dorothy -

Although my child is a very intelligent individual, he commonly comes home confused. My son tells me that he will ask a question and the teacher answers the question very vaguely or only gives one explanation or example. How do I help him understand how to complete his homework?

- Middle School Mom

Your son is very smart indeed to know that what he needs in order to understand an assignment is additional explanations and examples. Knowing himself as a learner will be so helpful to him throughout his education!

One of the hardest things about transitioning from an elementary school into a middle or high school is getting used to having multiple teachers to work with. It can be hard for those teachers to get to know all their students as readily as elementary teachers do.

It may be challenging for this teacher to know exactly what it is he needs, or to understand what he is asking for in the middle of class. Perhaps scheduling a quick meeting with her is his best course of action. If he can explain his needs to her at a separate time, he may be able to get the kind of answer that will help him in the future.

In the meantime, have him give me a call, and we'll figure this assignment out together.

How do I get my child's teacher to do what she is supposed to?

Ms. Dorothy -
______'s teacher is required to use a microphone to compensate for _____'s hearing loss. Either the teacher won’t use it because she doesn't feel like it, she uses it but without the volume even on, or she claims for weeks that it is broken. Then she scolds ______ for not listening when ______ can't even HEAR her. How do I get this teacher to comply with my child's IEP and not make life hell for him?
- Mom of a Hearing Impaired Student

I am so sorry that your son is going through such a rough year in school! He is lucky to have you on his team because this can be corrected.

First of all, when you attend a Special Education staffing meeting, they are required to provide you with your parental legal rights. Refer to this often, and never be afraid to use your rights to support your son! You are his best advocate and the first line of defense against a system not designed for the exceptions among us.

Have your son approach the teacher to tell her that he can't hear her. They could set up a signal between them so that he doesn't have to disrupt the class. This way he can indicate that he is not able to hear what she is saying well enough to understand her any time it happens.

If this is hard for him, make an appointment to meet with her and be there to help him talk about his struggle. Make a plan for him to keep a journal of every time he needs more volume and track that he signaled for it and if he got it.

If you don't see progress in this area quickly enough, if the microphone is not repaired, or if the teacher is not comfortable with the volume level he needs, request another meeting and ask for a representative from the Special Ed team to be present. Use the journal to document that you made an effort to correct the situation, but that he is still having trouble. Let the Special Ed team intervene on his behalf to ensure that his needs are being met.

Fight for his rights when you suspect they are not being addressed.