How do I help my middle child feel loved?

Ms. Dorothy,
How do I show my son (3) that despite the fact he now has an older and younger sister (I just had a baby 8 wks ago, he was the baby before this, older child is almost 5), I still love him the same, and the reason I spend less one on one time with him is not because I love him less? I have not changed much of his life other then the obvious things. Any further advice?
- Busy Mom

Sounds like it is time to make a point of planning "dates" with each of your family.  

You already have some scheduled family time every night, but picking out one night a month for each of  you to get some one-on-one time could really help.

You know that an occasional Mom/Dad date night is essential for your marriage to stay healthy. What about taking one family hour a month for Mom/oldest to do something just for them? Once a month it is Mom/middle, and once it's mom/baby. Once a month Dad/oldest get a date time, Dad/middle, and Dad/baby.

Mapping out the calendar so that everyone knows when their time is coming gives everyone plenty of warning and time to choose how to spend the date. Picking and re-picking what to do with that time adds excitement, and the planning itself seems like personal time because the focus is on what you'll do together alone.  

You don't even have to go anywhere. Just close a door and put up a "private" sign up and give your full attention and focus to the one you are with.

Eventually, you may want to add "girls night" and "guys night" to the mix.

All of this will make the "family time" even richer because you will have experiences away from each other to share.

When should my children play on computers?

Ms. Dorothy,
There is a lot of talk now about new technology and 21st century skills, but I'm uncomfortable having my young children on the computer.  Not that I'm afraid of computers, I just feel that there are better things they could be doing with their time.  I have friends that rave about their toddler's skills with a mouse, but I'd rather my kids were not into technology yet.  What do you think?
- Dad of a 3 and a 4 year old

Technology holds tremendous promise for education. It brings the whole world into the learning equation, and as it becomes more mobile and versatile, the potential seems endless.  

Preschool children, however, don't need any of it. 

The developing brain takes in information about the world through the senses, and builds connections with these experiences.  Active involvement and interaction between the child and the world is essential to learning. 

Any amount of "screen time" in the early years is actually time lost from doing those things the child is watching.  This goes for tv, computer and any other games or devices that do not allow the child to physically interact with what they are looking at.

The Wii, Kinect, and other interactive gaming programs allow children to virtually interact with things. However, seeing an avatar pet an animal while you make motions like you are petting it, is just not the same brain building experience as actually petting an animal, feeling it's warmth and fur, smelling it's breath, and having it react to your touch.  

Children, especially young children, need to have real experiences before the virtual and visual equivalents will have meaning for them.  

Let your children play, and create. Take them to parks and zoos and playgrounds, and give them experiences that build the network in their brains.  Then later they can use that brain to network in other ways.