How do I get my kids to clean up after themselves?

Ms. Dorothy,
I can't get my kids (ages 3 and 6) to clean their rooms! I send them to clean, but when I come back it's still a mess.  I'm so frustrated, and I'm about to make their toy areas off limits!  What can I do to make them clean their mess?!
-Mother of two

The most important thing to do right now, is to decide what your real goals are.  

If you want your children to be creative and spontaneous, and, well, children, make sure the room is safe, and close the door so you don't have to see the mess. 

If you want your children to learn to care for and respect their things, you might want to work with them to create systems for order, and then repeat that process every time it gets too out-of-hand.

If you want your children to clean to your satisfaction, you will want to clean it yourself, take pictures and post them so that the children will be able to see what clean is "supposed to" look like. Then, though you will still have a battle to get them to do it, at least they will know what they are expected to achieve. 

If you want your home to look as if no children live there, then you might want to consider giving the kids away.

Whatever you decide, be clear about your goals, and take some time to play with them and try to understand their perspective about the toy areas before you make them off limits. Perhaps losing yourself in the joy of their laughter will help you think differently about your frustration.

How do I support beginning reading?

Ms. Dorothy,
My daughter is beginning to read phonetically. Her pre-school has her practicing blending letter sounds to "sound out words" but she doesn't know any sight words yet. Should I be using flash cards at home to help her learn some sight words? Is there a better way to teach her to read without being completely dependent on sounding it out? Or should I just leave it alone for now and let her learn in Kindergarten?
- Mom of a 4 year old.

If your daughter is beginning to read and enjoying it, there is no reason not to support her.

Find out from her preschool teacher what next steps they are planning to follow to help her grow as a reader, and (unless you completely disagree with their approach) align what you are doing at home to what she is learning in school.

More than likely she will begin to encounter simple sight words in the books she is already "sounding out" which will be a natural opening. Then you can practice finding those same sight words in other places - magazines you are reading, recipes while you are cooking together, bedtime stories you are reading to her.

Sometimes, when you are reading beginner books with her, you will need to supply the words she doesn't know, but encouraging her to check the pictures, or what seems to make sense to decide what the next word might be are great ways to build vocabulary. Then her reading will be more than sounding out words and sight words because she will begin to recognize words in context.

As long as you are giving her an enjoyable experience that involves time with you and books, she will learn to love reading. Then all those different approaches to figuring out what a book says will become more natural to her.

How do I find good educational games?

Ms Dorothy,
I have grandbabies coming into town for the holidays. I want to have some things for them to play with while they are here, but I want to make sure they are educational toys. Can you recommend somewhere that I can get things for them that will be good for their brains?
- Grandmother of Many

It is important to know that all play is educational. Children need to have open-ended toys that they can use to develop their creativity and imagination, so any kind of construction or pretending toys are good for their brains.

If you are shopping on the cheap, thrift shops are a great place to look for things you can have around that might get your grand children inspired to play. Re-using toys that other children have outgrown is a great way to shop green too!

On the other hand, if you are looking for new toys and games, go local and find small, locally owned businesses to buy from.

There are shops like Beyond the Blackboard that specialize in finding books and toys and games and teacher supplies for every age group that are educational and fun. Stores like this are ideal for finding the exact right gift for each child on your list.

Remember too, that-- depending on the ages of your guests-- the wrapping paper, boxes and ribbons will be the things they enjoy the most and learn the most from playing with!