How can I get my kid to listen?

Miss Dorothy

I need your help, my first grader is having a hard time listening and following directions at school. He completes his work, has great marks but doesn't want to listen. I am not sure what is going on, or if he understands. I had a meeting with the teacher and he said "__ just looks at me with a blank look on his face" Have any advice???

- Mom of 3 boys

First I would recommend that you get his ears checked right away, it could simply be that he isn't hearing.

Have you noticed if he takes a little while to think about what you tell him to do before he acts? He may need longer to process what he his ears take in before he can do what is asked of him, and the teacher may just need to give him more wait time.

Have you ever noticed if his face doesn't seem to reflect what he feels? If he looks at you when he is in trouble, but doesn't seem distressed or remorseful, and then suddenly bursts into tears? 

Sometimes children have a "flat affect" which means their face doesn't reflect what they are feeling. It is something that can be taught (usually) but it can be super frustrating for a parent or teacher when a kid doesn't react in the way we want or expect to see them react.

Is it possible that he is in "over his head" in this class?

If he did really well in kindergarten, but wasn't really stretching to learn new things, and now the material is getting harder, it is possible he hasn't figured out how to respond because he was accustomed to already knowing. 

It might just be an adjustment, and he needs you to reassure him that he is in school to learn, and that you don't expect him to be the first or the best in the class, but to be always learning something new and be the best he can be.

It is also possible that he is simply bored. If he is getting good marks, it may be too easy for him and he is looking at the teacher blankly because he can't believe how uninteresting the work seems.  His previous school's kindergarten program may have been more rigorous than this 1st grade class is.

Work with him at home with a mirror. Have him practice looking interested, looking like he is thinking, looking like he doesn't understand, and even looking like he is sorry. Make it an acting game and practice wherever you go!

Making faces that show others what they are expecting you to feel or that show others what is going on inside you is a really helpful tool in school. 

But get those ears checked right away.  Just in case.

How do I plan for a visually impaired student?

Ms. Dorothy,
What do I need to know about working with a visually impaired student? This guy starts in my class next week and I'm a little nervous that I won't know what to do to support him.  I'm sure he has an IEP, but I was hoping you'd have some suggestions of places to start.
- 1st grade teacher

Well, there are some modifications you can make right off the bat, but you will need to know exactly what his visual challenges are, and what recommendations are on his IEP. 

Preferential seating is something you can expect is on his plan. 

Make sure that he is seated close to where you are writing or presenting, and that there are students near him that you expect to follow directions exactly. This is often the first, best option for students with hearing or vision impairments so that they may see and hear your instructions, and then have other students to observe and mimic.

Another consideration might be the size of the text he is expected to work with. Books, worksheets, directions etc. can all be enlarged to make them easier to see and read.

He is a first grader, so you don't need to be nervous. When it comes to this age group, you know what you are doing.  Just get this guy's Educational Plan in your hands as quickly as possible to be sure you are meeting his specific needs.

How do I teach my students to try harder?

Ms. Dorothy,
How do you deal with children who don't do their best? What do you do to instill the value of hard work in your students? I never expected to have first graders in my class who aren't there to learn! I was never like that!
- First year Teacher

Some students (like you!) are fortunate enough to learn, early on, that their success in school is directly connected to their effort.  Others, however, need to be taught this concept.  

Some students believe that the children who do well in school are "just smarter."  Some actually believe that there is some kind of luck about doing well in school - these are often the same students who blame their teachers for their poor grades.

All children need to know that Trying Their Best is what makes them smarter and more successful.  

If your students aren't giving their best efforts, stop for a moment and teach them the connection.  Notice aloud those students who are doing well at something, and recognize how hard they are working at it.  Remind them all that they too can have remarkable work, if they try their best.

They can all learn that learning isn't magic, luck, or the domain of only a few.

How do I know how much homework to give?

Ms. Dorothy,
As a parent, I've often felt that a teacher gave too much, or not enough homework for my child.  Tomorrow I step into the lead teacher position in a classroom, and I find myself wondering how to strike that balance for the 27 children in my 1st grade class.  Any suggestions?
-New Teacher

Congratulations on taking the lead teacher position!  How exciting for you and for those 1st graders!  

Finding the right balance of homework is always a challenge because our tendency, as teachers, is to be "fair" and give everyone the same homework assignments.  

Homework should be about practicing what is learned in school.  It is rare when a majority of the  class is ready to independently practice the same thing at the same time, so having the same homework assignment for all of them doesn't always make sense.  

Consider the time that will be spent on each task, and the amount of support that each child will need to complete the work.  Whenever possible, make options to extend or simplify the assignment so that it can be catered to specific needs of different children.

Keep in mind the 10 minute rule of thumb for elementary students and think about giving homework that is open-ended and involves some choice.  That way students who are inspired by the topic can get carried away, and students that are able to turn it into something they are excited about can do that too.

Encourage creativity and applaud inventiveness in the way homework is completed, and your students will make projects of their practice.

How do I get a tired kid to do homework?

Ms. Dorothy -

_____ is soooo tired after school that she has a super hard time with her homework. She cries and cries and just lays her head down on the table saying she is just tooo tired and can’t do it. School uses every ounce of energy that poor child has and by the time I pick her up, all she wants to do is eat dinner and go to bed. We end up spending an hour on a simple worksheet just because she is too exhausted to concentrate. How do I help her?

- Mom of a 1st grader

It must be so hard for you to see your child so distressed, and want to comfort her and give her rest, while still encouraging her to value education and get homework done!

There must be a great amount of stress in her day to exhaust her that way. Especially if it is happening every day.

I think that it is more important to address the stress than it is to complete the homework, and that if she needs a nap after school, she should get one, and this is why:

When you are in a stressful situation, your body releases chemicals that flood the brain, and too much of these chemicals can damage, and even kill off brain cells. The area of the brain most impacted by this imbalance is the same area that is responsible for memory. This means that your daughter may be impairing her ability to learn in school by being stressed on a regular basis. Crying it out and sleeping at the end of the day may be the best way for her to release that stress and help her brain and body get back to a more balanced state.

There are so many aspects of a school day that can cause stress. Your daughter may need help to understand how to address each different situation and let it go rather than letting them accumulate all day.

There may also be something specific that is too much of a challenge for her, and that is what is causing this extreme stress reaction.

So, the homework that matters now is really yours. Find out what the unduly difficult parts of her day are, and help her cope with them so that she can function with less stress.

When she comes home and wants to play instead of cry and sleep, you'll know she is ready for homework!

How do I help my child stay out of trouble?

Ms. Dorothy -
My son is having a hard time in school. He doesn't stay on task well, and is constantly being re-directed by the teacher. She is trying to stay positive, but he comes home every day and tells us his day was bad. He can't get through a day with his behavior card still on green. We have been trying to ask him about why he got in trouble so we can help him problem solve what else he could have done. What else should we be doing to help him?
- Dad of a 1st grader


Your son has a teacher and parents who all want to support him in such positive ways. Keep up the problem solving conversations!

One thing you might want to start doing with him at home is really turning his focus toward what is working. It can be really hard to fight the parent impulse to ask "How was today? Did you get in trouble?" Instead, try and ask every day, "What were you most proud of today?" and hold out for specifics. It will push for a focus on what is working.

Over time, he will get better at answering, and you will have turned his attention to the positive aspects of his day.That doesn't mean he won't ever get in trouble, or that his card will always be green, but it will help him to see that you value the best parts of his day.

How do I meet the needs of 5, 6 and 7 year olds?

Ms. Dorothy -

I am running a music enrichment program with Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grade students. I'm experienced in doing this with older students, like middle or high school, and these high energy young ones are uncharted territory for me! Couple of questions for you.. How do I teach and engage to that level? Or what are some key principles to keep in mind for this age? How best do I look at this class and how to hold the space appropriately to allow their knowledge and beats to flourish? How do I keep it fun and engaging for all the ages? Help?!

- Music teacher

High School to Kindergarten is a big leap. No wonder you are feeling unsure of yourself! Those little guys need as many opportunities for expression as they can get, so I know this is going to be a great experience for all of you.

First of all, relax, and don't sell yourself short. You know what you are doing when it comes to the material, and students are students, no matter how tall they are.

Essentially you can't teach a room, or an age, or a grade; all you can teach is the person in front of you. Get to know these students for who they are. They will show you what is important to them within the first few minutes.

I like to think of it as putting the students first and letting the content be a tool. Instead of teaching Music to young children, try teaching young children the whys and hows of Music. There is a difference. It works for any content you want to teach, and any students.

Be prepared to move with them, to be excited with them, to get loud with them, and to enjoy them. They will need some order and routine to help them understand the structure of their time with you, and they will need variety and novelty to stay engaged.

The best thing you can bring them is a challenge, so don't be afraid of using the same language and content you would teach older students. Just break it down with them to things that are familiar and let them share how they connect to it.

Basic principles to keep in mind when working with children: Smile often. Sing instructions. Establish routines. Be genuine. Follow their lead. Respect their individuality. Enjoy their creativity. Inspire them with possibilities. Encourage them with laughter. Believe in them.

And Have fun!