How do I get my kids to be responsible?

Ms. Dorothy
I have been having trouble lately I started school this semester and it seems my children stopped doing all homework all chores all responsibilities. Can you help?
A Student and Mom

It sounds like your children are accustomed to having someone supporting them with homework and chores.  It is possible that the work routines in your home are built around your motivation and drive.  

Perhaps they have not internalized the importance you put on these activities, and are still looking for you to remind and require them to do their work.  

You may need to create a system to replace you in the work formula.  

Having a list or schedule of what needs to be done and when might help.  You can have the children check off each task as it is completed.  Another option might be to reward tasks done, and withhold a privilege for things left un-done. 

More impactful, however, would be to ignore the dishes in the sink, the laundry in the hall, or the homework left undone, and allow your children to experience the consequences for their choices.

This is  a challenging path because it requires you to live with the messy rooms, and face the teacher reports.  

It does, however, but the responsibility for getting these things done back on the boys.   
Making up a new schedule for homework might help as well.  If they will only work when you are there to supervise them,  make the last hour before bed time a homework hour.  It isn't the ideal "directly after school"  homework time you were accostomed to inforcing, but it may make getting something done more realistic.   

Then choose something you can live with, and ignore the fact that they haven't done it.   
Be sure to explain that you can't be in a kitchen full of dirty dishes, so you will be unable to cook dinner or make lunches for school.  They will live without a meal one night, and so will you.  Feel free to tell them how hungry you are while you work on homework.  I won't take more than one night of sleeping on an empty tummy before they are sure to get those dishes done.   

Just be sure that it doesn't become about you nagging, or cajoling, or bribing or convincing them.  It should simply be a lesson in cause and effect.  Because the dishes didn't get done, you can't cook and everyone will be hungry tonight.  The more matter-of-fact, the better.  When they want to beg, or convince you, simply change the subject.  They will catch on!

Why is my child lying?

Dear Ms Dorothy 

My 6 yr old daughter has been lying to the boy next door and neither her father nor myself nor the little boy’s mother can understand why she is doing this. I had her sister 2 months ago and yet we haven't seen anything to show she is jealous. Even if that is the fact, why  should she take it out on a little boy that previously she would play fine with? Now it just seems that every time we parents turn around she is lying to one of us, and I just found out that she was lying to her father and myself  as well.  How do I stop this? 

Concerned   mother of 2

You may be thinking correctly about your daughter's jealousy. It is a very common and very normal reaction to a new baby in the family, but whether or not this is the reason for her lying, there are some things you can do to help her.

First you have to consider the reaction that she gets when she lies. What the little boy and his mother say and do when she lies can make a big difference in helping to stop this behavior.  What yourself and her father do and say when you learn about these lies is important as well.

What our children want, more than anything else, is our attention. 

Every moment we spend with them is like a prize, and when they do something wrong, we try to make sure that they understand how important it is not to repeat the mistake.  In order to do that, we get very close, look right in their eyes, talk very intently, maybe even touch them. 

To a young child, even the fact that we are disappointed, or frustrated, or angry with them cannot outweigh the fact that we are having a highly emotionally charged interaction with them.  

It is a very big prize.

In the weeks leading up to your baby's birth your daughter probably saw your focus begin to turn inward, and when the big day came, it wasn't over as she may have expected. She may have known a baby was coming, but the change in the way the family runs is something children don't know how to anticipate.  

You are still attending to the needs of the infant, and balancing that with her needs, but she is probably looking for the intensity of connection that she sees the baby get.  

She may not appear to be jealous, and is certainly not aware if this is what is making her tell lies, but it may be the root cause.

Most likely it has nothing to do with the little boy, except that he may be helping her to get the attention. It may be worthwhile to talk about it with the boy's family.  

Sometimes ignoring the lying for a while, and creating some close moments that are focused on her, or even on teaching her to help care for her baby sister, can help. 

You might try scheduling some predictable time that is just for the two of you, or just for her and her father.  Giving her some close attention for no reason at all might prevent her from seeking it in negative ways.  

Chances are this behavior will fade if it stops getting a lot of notice.

How can I get my kid to listen?

Miss Dorothy

I need your help, my first grader is having a hard time listening and following directions at school. He completes his work, has great marks but doesn't want to listen. I am not sure what is going on, or if he understands. I had a meeting with the teacher and he said "__ just looks at me with a blank look on his face" Have any advice???

- Mom of 3 boys

First I would recommend that you get his ears checked right away, it could simply be that he isn't hearing.

Have you noticed if he takes a little while to think about what you tell him to do before he acts? He may need longer to process what he his ears take in before he can do what is asked of him, and the teacher may just need to give him more wait time.

Have you ever noticed if his face doesn't seem to reflect what he feels? If he looks at you when he is in trouble, but doesn't seem distressed or remorseful, and then suddenly bursts into tears? 

Sometimes children have a "flat affect" which means their face doesn't reflect what they are feeling. It is something that can be taught (usually) but it can be super frustrating for a parent or teacher when a kid doesn't react in the way we want or expect to see them react.

Is it possible that he is in "over his head" in this class?

If he did really well in kindergarten, but wasn't really stretching to learn new things, and now the material is getting harder, it is possible he hasn't figured out how to respond because he was accustomed to already knowing. 

It might just be an adjustment, and he needs you to reassure him that he is in school to learn, and that you don't expect him to be the first or the best in the class, but to be always learning something new and be the best he can be.

It is also possible that he is simply bored. If he is getting good marks, it may be too easy for him and he is looking at the teacher blankly because he can't believe how uninteresting the work seems.  His previous school's kindergarten program may have been more rigorous than this 1st grade class is.

Work with him at home with a mirror. Have him practice looking interested, looking like he is thinking, looking like he doesn't understand, and even looking like he is sorry. Make it an acting game and practice wherever you go!

Making faces that show others what they are expecting you to feel or that show others what is going on inside you is a really helpful tool in school. 

But get those ears checked right away.  Just in case.

Relationships for Learning

My name is Dorothy Shapland, and I have been an early childhood educator for the past 28 years teaching preschool, kindergarten, 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd grade. I work as a mentor and coach providing training and support to teachers both locally and on line. 

The Issue I have become most passionate about through this work is the importance of building relationships for learning in education.  When teachers connect with their students, when children feel they are valued, when curriculum is modified to meet the specific needs of each child, the chance of success for all involved is increased. 

Building a relationship with a student, understanding who he is, how she learns, what his passions are, what she sees as her strengths and how he perceives his chances of being successful, are all skills that can be broken down and mastered by teachers.

I decided to research what it would take to ensure that teachers are equipped to do this kind of relationship building.  I began with a review of studies that have been done on the effectiveness and the long term impact of student-teacher relationships. Research conducted by the US Department of Health and Human Services, the Campaign for Educational Equity, The California Department of Education, Teachers College, Michigan Department of Education, and the National Education Association all evidenced that positive student teacher relationships, are directly correlated to improved student outcomes. 

As much as we feel the push to standardize instruction, and teach students in core content and subjects, driving for improved test scores, the research consistently supports taking the time to know students well and build strong relationships so that we can individualize their instruction, is the more effective course.

I interviewed pre-school, kindergarten, first grade, middle school, high school and college students about their perceptions of what makes an effective teacher.  I spoke with parents about how they see their children’s success over years with different teachers.  I asked educators what separates great teachers from bad ones. 

These various stakeholders identified very similar attributes and qualities, and their statements were completely consistent with the research data I had collected.  I found that when I analyzed these results for themes, the answers fell into the categories Attention, Belonging, Care and Direction.

Because these categories are perceived as essential for teachers by all of those invested in the outcomes, and because the research is aligned, it became important to find out what teachers are being taught about relationship building.

I surveyed 104 teachers representing 12 US states, and 5 other countries, teachers of all levels with degrees from 92 colleges, and teaching experience ranging from 0 to 44 years.

From this survey I found that teachers feel they are well trained and supported in direct instruction, content and curriculum, but learn about the importance of relationships, family connections, and positive behavior supports through experience and independent study.

A completely unexpected, but significant outcome from this study was finding that teachers felt well trained in those things that were of least value in their practice, and that the things they valued most as creating success for their students were those individualizing skills they were least trained and supported in. 

The community has identified a need for training expectations around relationship building for beginning teachers. The Next step for action then is to change the standards for teacher training programs.  

Over the next several months the Colorado Lieutenant Governor's Advisory Council on professional development will be defining the competencies for Early Childhood Education degrees in the state, and aligning these with other licensing and certification programs. As a member of this council, my plan is to have this research inform some of the alignment work we do moving forward.

The other key action step that emerged from the research was the finding that more experienced teachers feel that their best learning is often in professional reading. 

After examining the data for themes, stakeholders have identified some initial topics and content for a resource book I hope to complete in the next year.

Earlier this week Kansas became the first state in the union to create and pass standards for social and emotional development in K-12 education.  My hope is that Colorado will use this work as a blueprint for our own as we move forward to ensure that every young child and family is met by responsive and caring adults throughout their education.

For more information or to get involved in the project please visit http://www.wix.com/dorothyshapland/askmsdorothy#!relationship-building

Why do we study what we don't value?

We recently surveyed 104 teachers representing 12 US states, 4 provinces of Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Great Brittan and Japan, teachers from birth through university, with degrees from 92 colleges and universities ranging from none to AA, BA, MA, M.Ed, PhD, in 49 fields of study, with teaching credentials from none to state licensed, province licensed, specialty licensed, endorsed, credentialed, and certified, and teaching experience ranging from 0 to 44 years. What they had in common was access to the internet, and 90% self-identified as white/Caucasian.

Teachers evaluated the various teacher programs they participated in, and how they feel they were prepared in terms of various relationship development factors. 

Teachers then evaluated how supported they felt during the first three years of their teaching.  This is generally a time when mentorship, if available, is provided.  It is also the time that licensed teachers are in a probationary period in many states, and when continuing training and development is required to ensure that teachers have the skills determined key by different states or districts.

Teachers also shared which of these factors they valued most in their teaching.

 In analyzing this data, we decided to compare pre-service preparation and support in the first three years to what was valued most.  The results were striking.  There is an inverse relationship between what we value in education, and what we feel we are prepared for.

In an effort to determine the best methods for educating teachers after the first three years of teaching, teachers were asked where they learned the most about each of these areas.  Experience was selected as the foremost learning tool for all areas overwhelmingly.  The results seem to support the idea that self-initiated training (professional reading, workshops and conferences) and experience are the primary ways that these relationship building skills are learned.

 Questions that arose from this analysis are those surrounding the causes for our values and experiences.  It is possible that we are not well prepared for relationship building despite how we value it.  It is also possible that we grow to value those things we learn on our own over those things we are directly instructed on.

What do you see?

Reflecting on "What I do"

I read a post called "A Living vs. A life" by Allison Rivers and it got me to reflect.
Yesterday, in a class I'm taking, I was asked "what do you do?" and I replied:

"I teach Kindergarten in a public school, and I coordinate professional development at a private non-profit preschool, and I work with a non-profit that helps at-risk-youth through expressive arts, and I write, I act with a community theater group, and I care for a husband and 20 year old son (and any number of other people who adopt us from time to time) and two dogs. And I am the lead singer for a rock & blues band, and I also sing in an acoustic duet group, and I do the student thing too. I wear a lot of hats"

Absolutely fascinating that the only thing I identified with in the "I am a __" was not what I make my living doing, and not what I aspire to make my living doing. Singing is something I think of differently. And, as a matter of fact, I refuse to take my cut when the band gets paid to play out - I contribute my share back to the group for maintaining equipment. And yet I list singing as if it were my identity.

Don't get me wrong, I love to teach. I love to write. I love all the things I do - or I simply wouldn't do them. I'm just that self-indulgent. But singing is different. I don't really control it, I just let it out. Teaching children I do because I love to, but I do it with forethought and deliberateness. Singing - not so much. I open my mouth and let emotion run past my vocal chords.

So, consider this chart I recently modified from the work of +Aristotle Bancale. The original conversation had to do with how to choose a career path, but three circles didn't leave room for how some choices would feel compared to others, so this became about finding your purpose and making a living at it.

I have no doubt that teaching Kindergarten is my bliss.  I think that all my work in expressive arts, from writing to drumming to acting to working with kids on any of these, is where I find fulfillment or contentment.

It seems that I identify - "I am"- with my passion. And though it could move to that area of satisfaction if I were to accept pay for it, I resist that so that I may keep it a passion. I think that somewhere, deep down, I fear that it would move from satisfaction to comfort and it would no longer be what I love. 

 If I allow "what the world will pay for" to enter the equation, I will be reduced to singing what will sell, in a way that it will sell, and I would lose what I love most about singing... that it has nothing to do with my mind or my thoughts - just with the feelings in my gut and the gift (as Pavoritti described it) of a golden throat.

I didn't realize any of that till I heard myself describe what I do. Fascinating.

What do you do?

A Virtual Tour of My Kindergarten Classroom

Ms. Dorothy,

My child has been assigned to your class, but we were not able to make it to the Back to School Night.  Is there some way I can show my son what his Kindergarten classroom looks like so he has an idea of what to expect?

Nervous Dad

What perfect timing! Here is a slideshow I just created from photos of my room.  Hope you enjoy it! I'm looking forward to meeting you both next week!

Classroom tour

View more presentations from DorothyShapland.

How do I help my 2 year old adjust to school?

Ms. Dorothy,
I am a working lady. My daughter is 2years and 4 months old, she is able to speak fluently in her mother tongue, and understands English as well. In my absence she is taken care by my Mother in law.
She got admitted to pre-kindergarten or nursery on 13th June. She goes to school in school van, her school timings are 8.30 am to 11.30 am, 5days a week. It’s been more than 2 weeks, but still cries a lot and reluctant to go school everyday. She wakes up in the morning and starts telling/crying “don’t want to go school” till she sits in school van.
I try to make her understand that school is a lovely place by telling many stories every night before getting sleep, but the next day morning it’s the same.
Even on off days i.e. Saturdays and Sundays, even after we tell her that. Saturdays and Sundays are holidays, making her ready as part of daily routine or plan to take out somewhere, she thinks that we might send her school, she is fearful and whole day very often she tells I don’t want to go school.
I spoke to her teacher; she says she is okay at school. She blames me that I am over anxious and over protective, that’s why my child is behaving so. But I don’t really admit.
Each day is getting a challenge for me. Please help me out to make my child comfortable to school.
-Concerned Mother

There are many reasons why children express fear about going to school.

The biggest worry is always that there is something happening at school which frightens her. An insensitive or neglectful teacher, a bully, even someone trying to do her harm. I can tell you that while this is every mother's greatest fear, it is very rarely the cause of a child's distress.

Chances are that the teacher is not blaming you as much as she is trying to reassure you of this fact.

Your daughter is probably safe and just fine in school as the teacher told you, but her fear and distress are also very real and should not be ignored.

By the age of 2, children are usually trying to figure out how to get what they want. Sometimes children your daughter's age become demanding, or throw tantrums, or tell people "no!" as they try to discover how to get their needs met. Your daughter may be expressing fear and trying to gain control of an uncomfortable situation.

While your daughter understands English, she may not be comfortable to express herself to people who do not speak her mother tongue. This could mean that the three hours she is in school feel very isolating to her. If she is not hearing the language that is most comfortable to her ears, those three hours can seem very long and distant.

She has also had the undivided attention of an adult up until now, and suddenly to have to share the only adult with other children in a class can be very hard for some children.

She may be experimenting with making you feel guilty, and trying to see if she can have her will. Or playing out behaviors she thinks are expected. Believe it or not, sometimes children think that they are expressing how much they love you when they cry about going to school, and that you might be disappointed if you thought they didn't miss you.

Sometimes children become distressed because they don't like letting a younger sibling have a parent's attention while they are not around.

There are some things you can do to help her with her worry about going to school.
What you are already doing - telling her stories to comfort her - is excellent, and you will need to be consistent and keep telling her about what a lovely place school is, and not let her see your concern.

Instead of talking about Saturdays and Sundays as holidays from school, try and talk about what sad days they are because she does not GET to go to school. If you are reassuring her in a way that makes her think school is something she has to tolerate, she may continue to resist it.
Stay positive and happy and excited when you talk about school.

When you see her at the end of the day, be excited to hear about the wonderful things she did.

Focus on how happy you are to hear about school and not on her distress.

You can also help her to choose something of yours (a necklace or bracelet that she can wear perhaps, or a photo of her loved ones) to bring with her to school. Something to hold onto when she misses you.

There is a book called "the Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn that can be helpful if your daughter is having trouble separating.

Find another family in the school to befriend and schedule play dates with.

Ask the teacher if you can donate a favorite toy of your child's to the classroom for her to look forward to playing with. 

Give her crayons and let her express her worries on paper.

One final thought - while it seems like it's been forever, two weeks is not impossibly long, and she may yet make this adjustment on her own, don't give up!

I wish you both the best of luck.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Success:To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!"~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today I completed the 'Trust 30' challenge. 

Some things I learned - 

I read  Self Reliance when I was very young.  It benefited me in ways I didn't recognize till now.  

I don't let fear stop me from doing much.

I am ready for the great things I am going to make happen.

See the prompts and my responses on the On Self Reliance page.  Your comments are welcome!

How can I support my kids learning to type?

Ms. Dorothy,
My daughter's 4th grade teacher is teaching cursive this year, but she is the only teacher in the school who still does.Writing just isn't something I do very often any more, and I know my kids are going to need to do less and less of it. Just holding a pen or pencil is impossibly hard for my 1st grade son. When and how do I help my kids learn to type?
- A Mom

I've written about typing here, but I just came across a couple of sites that you might find interesting. One is a free online resource for  learning to type called Typing Web and another is called Fun to Type and is full of games for different levels of typing practice.

You are absolutely right about handwriting being a fading art. I heard a teacher, recently, wondering how much longer we will even hand sign checks.  

The brain wants to learn through the movement of muscles, so forming those letters by hand is still really important for your young son's development. If you are interested, I've posted some ideas for helping to develop and strengthen the hand for writing here and here.

How do I stop the bathroom demands in class?

Ms. Dorothy,
What is the best routine for bathroom breaks in Kindergarten?  My room doesn't have a bathroom, the kids go down the hall, they just have to ask. But I find I am getting more and more requests to use the bathroom and it seems like it might be Spring fever rather than need.  I don't want to say "no" though, cause, well, they are in Kindergarten, and accidents happen!  Can you help?
- First Year Teacher

The best routines are those you establish early in the year and used consistently. 

In my classroom, I like to treat all of the daily business the same way it would be treated in an office. We talk about the places that adults work, and how they do things there. Would the boss have everyone line up by gender and use the bathroom at the same time? Would the grown-ups in an office go ask the boss when they wanted to use the bathroom? 

Generally, my students conclude that the bathroom is the kind of business that should not be announced, and that it should be up to the person who needs it to decide when. 

For safety, we need to know where everyone is, so students place their name card in the "boys room" or "girls room" pocket, and take the pass when they need to leave the room.  

If the pass is missing, we wait, or let the teacher know that we absolutely cannot. 

We also talk about how a grown-up in an office wouldn't get up and leave the room during an important meeting. They would know to go before the meeting, or wait until after. 

We establish that the reason we come to school is to learn, and the "important meetings" in our classroom would be any time the teacher is instructing the whole group. The times when we are supposed to be practicing or working independently are better for exiting the room to use the bathroom.

Once that is the norm in your classroom, your job becomes to watch and listen and pay attention to those times when there is greater demand.

Invariably, something you are doing is not engaging them if they are "taking walks" while you are teaching, interrupting to request the bathroom, or waiting 3 deep to use the pass. 

It happens. It just means it is time to change up what you are having them do because it simply isn't engaging.

How do I get this child to focus on his work?

Ms. Dorothy,
I have a student who is fully capable of doing the work I assign, but he just doesn't focus and get it done. He can do it, he is just lazy. He has had Special Ed help in the past, but has kind of aged out of that.  What can I do to get him working at his potential?!
- 6th grade Teacher

It seems to me that it is very rare that a learning disability goes away because of age, and I don't believe that "laziness" is a qualifying condition, so it is probably not the underlying cause of his academic struggles. 

A lack of focus can result from a wide variety of organic issues. 

Perhaps a closer look at what his IEP says, or what his previous teaching team has to say will help you to see what is going on with this student.

Either way, matching teaching style with processing and learning style, and making the most of interests is the best way to support an unmotivated learner. 

I don't believe we can expect students to change their attention and focus if we aren't willing to understand and meet them where they are. 

We need to adjust the teaching to suit the needs of our students, not the other way around.

How do I get my child to write legibly?

Ms. Dorothy,
I have been working with _______ on his writing. I even offered to pay him to practice. He is simply not interested in practicing writing neatly. Suggestions?
- Poppa

Writing legibly is about writing so that someone else can read what you have written. It is a courtesy that is focused on the reader, and it is a dying art.

It is easy to say that we "should" and "we always did," but the truth is that there are fewer and fewer  places in our lives where writing for an audience is required.

It is important to give some serious consideration to when, where, and how often we actually write these days, and how often it is likely that writing will be needed in the future. 

If you can name some practical places where it is necessary to write by hand, show those to him so that he can see how you use your neat writing. Just bear in mind that an electronic signature, and the ability to use a virtual keyboard are more likely to be necessities in his later years.

Help him find a pen-pal to exchange letters with in the mail.  Have him write to a favorite author or artist. Just try not to let him get email or text addresses.

Keep painting with him and developing the strength and grace in his arm and hand muscles. And try sending his bribes through the postal service in exchange for handwritten thank you notes!

What consequences work for incomplete homework?

Ms Dorothy,
I've had it with kids not doing their homework.  I've tried everything.  I've called parents, I've taken away recess, and I've even threatened to take away the class trip. I'm really fed up and frustrated. What kinds of disincentives work for other teachers?
- 5th grade teacher

I have answered a question very similar to this before. 

I say, if you are expending this much energy thinking up ways to punish students or parents (and let's not kid ourselves, a "deterrent" like missing the class trip is a punishment) it is time to reconsider the value of homework.

If the homework is meaningful, individualized, necessary, and engaging to a student he will do it and turn it in. 

If it is an assignment that is related to your teaching, the big test, grade-level standards, and "good practice for them" chances are that some percentage of your kids won't do it, or won't turn it in.

Less policing, more teaching.

Give up homework, or give up doubting they've done the practice they need,  and re-focus your energy on maximizing the gains from in-class time.  

Less proving, more learning.

How do I get my kid to go to sleep?

Ms.Dorothy,
Obviously you don't just answer education questions, so here is a parenting one for you.  How do I get my kid to go to sleep at night? He just can't seem to settle. I've tried a bath, warm milk, reading to him, leaving lights on, lights off, doors open, doors shut...and hours later he is still wide awake. It is getting harder and harder to wake him for school in the mornings. Do you have any suggestions?
- Dad of an 8 year old

It sounds like you are on the right path. Keep experimenting. There isn't one right answer for every child, and the best way to find what works for your son, is to keep trying to find what works for your son.

Some variables you might try controlling for are sounds, sights, textures and thoughts.  

In addition to lights on or off, you might want to spend some time in the space he sleeps and look for things that might be problematic. Sometimes room-darkening shades can be helpful.

Consider what can be heard from your son's room at his bed-time. Sounds from other rooms, or from the outdoors can be distracting.  Try using a fan, radio or fish tank filter to create white noise in his room, or earplugs to block all sound.

Many children have an extremely sensitive sense of touch. Sleep wear, bed linens, and "friends"  can all be innocent causes of distraction. Breezes, temperatures and moisture in the room can all be factors too. Try using a humidifier, it may even double as white noise.

It may be that your son's active mind is what prevents him from sleeping. White noise is often helpful for this, but monitoring what he is reading, reading to him from soothing books, or even giving him a challenging question to ponder as he goes off can help with this.

Sometimes a change in room arrangement can help too. A mattress on the floor is helpful to get kids to settle in to sleep, and reorienting the bed can be the answer too.

Experiment with as much as you can to find what helps him, but remember that his natural body rhythms will be changing in the next few years, and his body clock may not align with the demands of his school schedule. 

How do I get my child over her fear of the school bus?

Ms. Dorothy,
My daughter is terrified of riding the school bus home at the end of the day. She says she is afraid she will fall asleep and miss her stop. She also says the big kids on the bus scare her because they are really rowdy and out of control. I know she is only in Kindergarten, but I can't see this getting better any time soon, and I can't see driving to get her forever!  Help?
- Mom's Taxi

If your daughter is truly frightened of riding the bus, maybe picking her up is your best option for a while. The stress of worrying about it will impact her learning, and until you can address all of her concerns, the best thing is probably to help her relax about the trip home.

Finding an older student who lives in your area that can be in charge of her might be helpful when you think she is ready to give the bus a try.

Offer to hire this student as a babysitter to escort your child home. Have the older student meet your daughter after class and walk with her to the bus, ride with her, and walk her home from the bus stop. This could go a long way toward relieving your child of her fear of the big kids.

Talk to the bus driver and explain your daughter's concerns. Sometimes a seat up front behind the driver is reassuring to younger students. The bus driver may simply not be aware of the situation.

Ask the principal to meet with 5th and 6th graders who ride the buses and remind them of how overwhelming it can be to a young child who has never been allowed to ride without a car seat before, to suddenly be unbuckled in a bus with children she doesn't know.

Perhaps a little awareness training will help all the students in the school.

Meanwhile, keep driving, and keep talking about how much you like those older students and how much fun it might be when she is bigger and ready to ride with them. 

Changing her mind about the things she needs to be afraid of may be all it takes.

How do I help English Language Learners in Writer's Workshop?

Ms. Dorothy,
I am looking for help with my writer's workshop. I am a first year kindergarten teacher, and my class is mostly ELL students.  Do you have any suggestions for making my teaching more understandable to these students?
- K Teacher

Writer's workshop, especially the way Lucy Calkins' Units of Study  instructs, is very supportive for all learners. She provides examples and modifications for use with English Language Learners directly.

Some things that you find helpful in other curricular areas will also help with Writing. Repetition, movement, illustrations, music and modeling are supportive of all young learners, and especially those with limited English.

• Demonstrate what you expect to see.  

• Repeat important phrases and have the class recite along with you.

• Add actions to go with specific words and act it out with the class.

• Draw or find pictures to go along with words to build associations.

• Have physical objects that go with different concepts to help build connections between the words and the ideas.  

• Make up sing-songs to repeat often that help tie the learning together

Remember, it is kindergarten, and it should be fun! Don't be afraid to get silly with them!

There are also websites like Starfall that provide auditory and visual supports at a kindergarten level for pre-readers and pre-writers. 

Some of the best practices for teaching English Language Learners in Kindergarten, are also helpful for young native English speakers.  Especially when it comes to learning to write!  

How do I plan for a visually impaired student?

Ms. Dorothy,
What do I need to know about working with a visually impaired student? This guy starts in my class next week and I'm a little nervous that I won't know what to do to support him.  I'm sure he has an IEP, but I was hoping you'd have some suggestions of places to start.
- 1st grade teacher

Well, there are some modifications you can make right off the bat, but you will need to know exactly what his visual challenges are, and what recommendations are on his IEP. 

Preferential seating is something you can expect is on his plan. 

Make sure that he is seated close to where you are writing or presenting, and that there are students near him that you expect to follow directions exactly. This is often the first, best option for students with hearing or vision impairments so that they may see and hear your instructions, and then have other students to observe and mimic.

Another consideration might be the size of the text he is expected to work with. Books, worksheets, directions etc. can all be enlarged to make them easier to see and read.

He is a first grader, so you don't need to be nervous. When it comes to this age group, you know what you are doing.  Just get this guy's Educational Plan in your hands as quickly as possible to be sure you are meeting his specific needs.

How do I prevent unsolicited advice about my picky eater?

Ms. Dorothy,
My child is a very picky eater.  My problem is not so much about getting her to eat, it's about all the advice I get from everyone.  We can't be anywhere - relatives homes, restaurants, malls, parks - that someone isn't telling me how to make her eat!  Right now, it is work for me to make sure she gets enough nutrition, but I don't mind doing the extra work.  It is no one else's business, but it makes me doubt myself over and over when I get all these "helpful" bits of advice.  What do I do?!
- A Mom

As long as  your child is getting the nutrition she needs, ignore them all.

I know, easier said than done, but letting all those people get to you will only make issues about food more stressful for you.  Your stress will do more harm to your daughter than any lack of green veggies ever could.  

Believe in yourself. You know what you are doing.  Keeping your child healthy is your job, and you are doing just fine. 

When others offer you suggestions, just say "thanks, but we are doing fine" and mean it. 

If you act doubtful, and really listen to their ideas as if you are looking for a magic solution, you will just get more advice.

Tune them out and go on with your business.  They will see that you don't want their help - they may not agree with you, but they will get the message. 

How do I stop a child using foul language?

Ms. Dorothy,
My 2 year old nephew has gained a lot of language and some curse words. His newest word is the F bomb. How do we get him to not use those words? Telling him it is not ok to say that word just makes him say it more.
-Toddler Sitter

Words that offend people are often the ones we don't want to hear our children using.  

Unfortunately, a two year old only knows the words he has heard, so the problem really doesn't belong to him.

Your sons and his parents are all old enough to know and be cautious about the use of such words, though it seems they are comfortable to use that word in front of the 2 year old.  Addressing the issue of role models seems to be your best bet right now.

The two year old is having fun saying a word that gets a reaction out of people. He has no idea what that word is about or for. 

It is time that the rest of the family learn to curb their language.

Start a fine jar, and make everyone in the household drop a quarter in the jar each time they use a word you would rather the little one not learn. Use the money to buy a vocabulary builder game and help everyone practice for college entrance exams.

But don't expect the little guy to refrain from using the words he hears, you just got him talking, and he is doing exactly what he should!